SNP Runners and Riders

At the time of writing looks like there are to be three candidates hoping to battle it out for Nicola Sturgeons vacated crown. I’ll try to be as fair as possible…

Humza Yousaf

I used to work with a bloke years ago who for some reason always managed to blag promotions even though he was absolutely hopeless in every job he did. I put it down to the time and effort he always used to put into his yearly reviews, locking himself away for days in a meeting room honing his self appraisal, whilst I really couldn’t be arsed and spent 5 minutes tops. I found out later that its actually called the Dilbert Principle and Humza is the poster boy.

Is there no beginning to his talents? He has presided over horrific NHS waiting times (don’t give me that guff that we are better than England, both are crap and I don’t live in England) has questionable judgement (his Twitter feed is particularly entertaining provided you get to it before he deletes his cock-ups) and he was the instigator of that wonderful piece of legislation the Hate Crime and Public Order (Scotland) Bill. If he’s not winding up Rangers fans, trying to sue nurseries or being caught driving without insurance he can be found lying in a crumpled heap underneath the bars of a scooter. He will no doubt press ahead with the GRR Bill so that nonsense will run and run along with cries of “Democracy Denied” He would be a great candidate for the Union but sometimes I do yearn for someone who is halfway competent.

Ash Regan

Oh Ash Ash, it all started so well. A rare example of political bravery when she resigned from her ministerial job over GRR and spoke bravely and passionately about Women’s rights.

Fast forward a few weeks and it seems she’s standing for leadership of the wrong party as Alba seems more suited. If there is one policy worse than Sturgeons de facto referendum pish then its Regan’s unlimited de facto referendum pish. Seems to be pandering to the Wings crowd and a list of her backers seems to include a fair few of the fringe element who happen also to be supporters of the king over the water. Shes got absolutely no chance and I fully expect her to jump ship. Tasmin watch out!

Kate Forbes

Tricky one this. I’ve never subscribed to the thinking that shes outstanding, a thought which seems to be based on her ability to read a script at short notice due to Derek Mackay’s texts being made public and having to lock himself in his flat for a year. A decent showing but it was hardly opening night at La Scala when the understudy is called in a last minute as the prima donna has got a dose of the trots. That being said she does seem competent (this could be mainly because no-one has seen her for months due to her maternity leave and Honest John has taken over her brief). She seems pro-business and from all accounts is well liked across the political divide. The major plus point is that if she does get voted in then GRR is patched and also the Greens can piss off back to their allotments and elderflower lattes and we can get some adults in charge. As John Lennon almost sang “Imagine there’s no Slater and Harvie, its easy if you try”

All well and good you would think, but its a double edged sword, ditching GRR and the gardeners (and by extension the bottle deposit return scheme) would be extremely popular and therefore we could see an uptick in Independence support in the short term. It’s the price to pay for not having halfwits in the corridors of power.

This though could all be moot as it looks like her religion is going to used against her. The briefing has already started and it looks like the gloves are off. I’m agnostic at best and if people can find a way to combine their faith and also govern responsibly then fair enough. I doubt the SNP are so inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt

In conclusion Humza will win, Patrick and Lorna will continue to wreck havoc, GRR will be at the centre of politics for the foreseeable and the Union will be safe.